Everything I’ve learned about life, I learned at Herzl Camp (A Parenthetical List)
January 17, 2010 by Herzl Camp Admin, under What I Learned from Camp.
By The Brothers Puchtel
Part 2 – At the Waterfront
So there we were, Zach and I, getting ready for our first day on the waterfront (24. First day on the waterfront = Swim test!). We were waiting at the top of a winding concrete pathway (25. Stay at the top until you are told to come down!) when Beth Altman, in a stunning red Baywatch swimsuit, told us to come down with our buddy (26. Always choose a good buddy – one with whom you want to be seen holding hands… so not the smelly kid). Buddy tags hung, cubby items cubbied, and off we went into Devils Lake (27. No, not the town in North Dakota, I mean the real Devils Lake). “OK, kids” Alex Locke began, “when I say Go, you will swim to the other end of the dock.” (28. All staff love the illusion of control) Zach and I swam like the wind, partly to avoid the embarrassment of not being able to access the far dock for the rest of the summer, but also because it was cooooooold!
With the swim tests over early, the staff used the opportunity to put their hours of creative programming skills to work by designating the rest of the hour to…..free swim! (29. Free time triggers an unexplainable excitement in campers) Zach and I headed straight for the far dock, (30. The far dock is the cool dock) and upon claiming the territory as our own, proceeded to keep all the other kids off. “But we want a turn”, said the other kids insubordinately. “Alright”, we civilly explained, “But there are Puchtel rules aboard this vessel”. (31. PUCHTEL RULES!!!) (32. Thank you, Marc Warren) “The rule is simple: If you dare to climb up then we will throw you off. Sound fun?” (33. Puchtels are always reasonable) Out in the lake we spotted what seemed to be a sea creature gnawing on the far floating bob. Looking closer, we saw that it was actually Aaron Gelperin munching on some seaweed. (34. Seaweed is a good source of iodine, and there must be some bark in that thing too) (35. I can feel this turning into a running gag)
After a while aboard the far dock Zach looked out onto the lake, pondering the many higher philosophical points of life. “Max”, he began, “do you think G-d is in the lake? And if so, could he beat Kundra in a fight?” (36. What does happen between two invincible forces?) I realized I had an opportunity here to act like the older brother and set things straight. “Zach, that is ridiculous. You’re forgetting about the Lumberjack!” Upon hearing that utterance, Aaron swam towards us. “The Lumberjack, heh?” he said. “If you want to know about the Lumberjack you will have to come back tonight, when the moon is high and the lake is still.” (37. The more ambiguous a descriptor, the cooler it is)
Luckily, that evening’s lights-out program for our cabin was…. (38. Wait for it – it’s going to be good) ….at the waterfront! “Follow me, kids”, said Neil Fink. (39. Shout outs are good, even if uncreative) Hmm, I didn’t know that one could access the waterfront from this shady entrance. (40. The boating side entrance is inherently shady) Down a rickety staircase we went, the forest overgrowth seeming to reach for us. Climbing onto the pontoon boat I noticed that the moon was indeed high and the lake was indeed still, so taking this opportunity to act like the older brother I said to Zach, “Oh boy, I think the Lumberjack is going to get us!” (41. Zach “Zachary” Puchtel is actually quite easily frightened, just ask him about bees, ghosts, and miniature heads) “Shut up, Max. You’re just trying to scare me.” “Oh, you will be, you will be” came a voice from the wheel. (42. No, not Yoda. Although, wait a minute, yes, it definitely was!) Yoda said, “I’m going to tell you a story about a misunderstood man, a very large misunderstood man…” The story of the Lumberjack was told as we came to a stop in the middle of Devils Lake. I, of course, knew not to believe in such silly things. The Lumberjack was just as fake as Kundra, Rosemary, and…… Ahhh! An enormous hand reached over the railing from the water and took hold of my shoulder! The entire cabin screamed and I eff’n pissed my pants. Laughing as he pulled himself onto the boat, Ben Jurisz (43. Yes, he was on staff then) glowed with the kind of pride you can only get from scaring children. “How did you get to us in the middle of the lake?” I asked. “Are you some sort of Navy Seal?” (44. A camper really did ask me that once after that trick) (45. Ooooo, Navy Seals!) Looking us straight in the eyes, he (46. I) said, “Yes, yes I am.”
Well, those are the lessons learned from the waterfront, kids. We’re up to 46 and just gaining steam…
To be continued…