New Celebrity, Old Staff Look-Alike
February 24, 2011 by Herzl Camp Admin, under General Posts.
By Danny Soshnik
That’s right, an old Saturday Night Dinner Game makes its electronic debut. In truth, I don’t when the Celebrity Look-Alike game began, or even if it still goes on. But in my day, the all-veggie dinner included a side of comic relief, usually at the expense of the staff.
In the 1990s, there were some look-alikes that were as predictable as the jokes in 12 Gates. Jason Grais = George Castanza. Dan Parsow = Yoda. Those are the obvious ones.
Like everything else at camp, I loved this tradition because it was predictable and reliable. Even if we had a tough time coming up with new matches, it never got old to me.
The other day, I was was watching an ESPN interview with Adrian Gonzalez, star first baseman who just got signed by the Boston Red Sox. I knew I’d seen him before. I paused my DVR and said, I know that guy!
Well, not really. But I did use to work on staff with his look alike. Now, I haven’t been in contact with him since 1998 or 1999. I hope it is ok — I ripped his picture off of a phenomenal video that Jesse Zimmerman put together with the 1998 staff mugshots (which I don’t remember taking). This is worth watching — just hit play and enjoy.
Anyway, who does Adrian Gonzalez look like?
This guy?
David Adelman — if you play baseball as similarly as you look to Adrian Gonzalez, you can afford to finish off the Capital Campaign yourself.
And for all the loyal readers…if you have ever wanted to contribute to the blog but didn’t know how, send me a picture and celebrity look-alike.
Herzl may lay claim to Bob Dylan, Bryan Greenberg, and Debbie Friedman as its famous alumni. But with the look-alike game, we can claim to resemble far more famous people.
Shabbat Shalom!
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My Favorite Story as a Camper (Part II)
December 16, 2010 by Herzl Camp Admin, under Letters from Alumni.
By Danny Soshnik
…continued from part 1.
We all made it back in, but we needed to be quiet so as not to tip off to Brick that we were anything but asleep. This proved to be very difficult – we all had stories to share of close calls with other schmears. But we stayed disciplined.
A couple minutes passed, and we thought we were golden. And then, the light turned on in the screened in porch. We could hear the footsteps, and none of us dared move.
In walks Brick. My heart drops as he says, in a mock singing fashion, “Oh Danny Boy.” I fake sleep as he walks over to my bunk. “Why don’t you come with me.” I fake stumble as a recently woken boy out to the Schmear site where Brick, obviously angry and visibly wet (success – we did it!), sits down next to me.
“I was just schmearing, minding my own business. When suddenly I was hit by a water balloon.”
I’m not much of an actor (my partner in crime Bryan, now that’s a different story). And I wasn’t the type of kid who was often in and liked being in trouble. However, on this night, where everything was executed so pefectly, I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel.
I said to Brick, with the straightest emotionless face possible, “I’m sorry to hear that.”
I don’t think he bought it. Busted…or so I thought.
As Brick was about to lay into me, taking me for every minute of Chofesh left in the session, the cry of an angel saved me. Actually it was less of a cry and more of a moan. And it wasn’t an angel – it was Ricky Ofstein. Back spasms. Bad ones. His pain, my gain.
Apparently earlier in the day Brick had given Ricky a bear hug, and threw out Ricky’s back. Funny, because if I were to lift Ricky, I’m sure it would throw out my back.
Anyway, he couldn’t have picked a better time to get spasms. He was in real pain. For anyone who knows Ricky, nothing he does is without dramatic effect. He was, from my perspective, a rockstar that night. And Brick, had to act upon it.
Long story short (too late), Ricky got in the van and went to the hospital. But not before, to add insult to injury, while sitting up in his bed, a super soaker fell from the rafters onto his head.
Just like that, the focus on my personal punishment was long over.
The next day I spoke to my friends across Kadimahland in Trzif Vav, and wondered how Brick knew it was us (me, specifically). Apparently, the water baloon that hit Brick came from the direction of Tzrif Vav. Brick, in his infinite wisdom, went in looking for the most likely culprit. Running into Vav, he screamed, “(Dan) Shapiro, G-D D#^!%IT!”. Dan, being the sellout he is, pleaded “It wasn’t me, it was Soshnik!” Thanks Dan.
As it turns out, we weren’t quite as cleared as we thought we were. We were told at breakfast that right before Nikayon, we had to go to Mary Lou’s office – all of us. I had never been to the director’s office, but safety in numbers, right?
She was none to thrilled. Told us about respect. Being dugmahot for the younger campers. All that stuff. Then, at a quiet, tense moment, Billy Rosenberg farted. Everyone heard it. Everyone, that is, except Mary Lou. Shefren couldn’t contain his laughter. Mary Lou was none too thrilled. She famously quoted, “You’ll never be Deavers!”
Of course, the Deaver program was based on lottery, not on merrit (thank goodness).
In the end, I think we lost chofesh for a night or two. But gained a memory for a lifetime. Oh, and of the 12 of us in tzrif Zayin, 6 went on to be Deavers. And of those 6, all were Ozrim two years later.
What’s the morale of the story? 1) If you’re going to break a rule, it’s best to do so with a moviestar. 2) Your best friends often end up being the ones who live across the way and will sell you out at a moment’s notice. 3) Stay close with those around you and they will bail you out with well-timed pain or flatulence in a desperate time of need.
Shabbat Shalom!
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My Favorite Story as a Camper (Part I)
November 18, 2010 by Herzl Camp Admin, under Letters from Alumni.
By Danny Soshnik
Part I
In the wake of my Herzl Magic Bracket, I’ve had a tough time knowing what to write about. The past nine months have really been easy for me, but now that it is over, I need to actually think of something compelling to write. So I figured that I’d share with you my favorite story from when I was a camper.
The year was 1992. Kuwait had long since been liberated, the St. Louis Cardinals were in their early 90s funk, and I was a Kadimahnik.
My counselors were Steve “Brick” Goldstein, and Todd “Baseball Bat” Zeff. We were in Tzrif Zion (Gadol) and actually were the first ever campers in that cabin, which was pretty cool.
During one evening program in the Marp basement, Bryan Greenberg and I learned that Brick was going to be shmearing Kadimah from the fire pit right outside our door. We managed to both head to the North Haks at the same time, and that’s when the brilliant planning began. Brick, who was new to camp that year, was going to get a “Welcome to Shmearing” present unlike any other. See, before Bryan was a moviestar/rockstar, he was a hooligan.
The plan was simple actually. After he went through the 5 cabins in Kadimahland, he would settle into his shmear site, and then it was go time. During Chofesh, we spent the entire time explaining the plan to our bunkmates.
Fast forward a couple hours. The time, probably 10:45. Lights were out. The preparations had long since been made. It was go time.
Everyone had a role. Rory Zamansky was clearly nervous, so he was going to “stay back and be on lookout”. The rest of us climbed one by one out our back window. I’m quite confident none of us could fit out of that window now, especially Aaron Shefren.
We were dressed in black, as if it were Escape to Israel or Capture the Flag. But this Lights Out activity, led by campers, was “Smear the Shmear”. The goal was simple: Hit unsuspecting Brick with water balloons and escape back into the cabin before he knew where it came from.
We had everything covered – synchronized watches, people on the lookout with a known code if we needed to abandon the mission, and specifics as to where each of us would be stationed. When the clock hit the magical moment, Bryan and I launched our balloons from near Trzif Vav. What a rush! We had no idea if we hit intended target, but it didn’t matter. We quickly retraced our steps and climbed back into the cabin.
To Be Continued…
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Herzl Magic Bracket: Round 4, Vanegba Region
April 22, 2010 by Herzl Camp Admin, under Uncategorized.
By Danny Soshnik
What the NCAA can do in a matter of two days has taken us 4 months. At long last, the final region of the first round. The Vanegba Region has some great matchups. The #1 seed will be tough to take out, but outside of that, I think the region is up for grabs. But don’t accept what I think. Let me know where you stand. I want you votes, stories, criticism, and even insults.
1 Friday Night Song Session
16 Intimidating Kitchen Staff
Friday Night Song Session is amongst the most memorable times of the entire session. I’m assuming this one will advance, so I’ll save commentary on it for later. I will say that the one thing that always irked me was the dancing to the Circle Game. Mellow folks, mellow. Brandon and his gang made the Ozrim shake in their flip flops. G-d forbid a kid go the wrong direction through the doors into the (old chadar) kitchen. Don’t even think about going up for seconds before the Tossefet sign is up. Some camps have a scary caretaker, some a mean, stern director. We had our kitchen staff. How has this changed in the new Chadar/post Brandon era?
8 The Birthday Song
9 Israeli Scouts
I remember the first time I heard the birthday song, “…misery is in the air…”. I thought they had said “Missouri is in the air” and assumed the girl was a fellow Missourian and thought it was so cool that the birthday song was tailored to the individual whose birthday it was. Over time the song has grown. And grown. And grown. Dayeinu already, right? The Israeli Scouts were never my thing. People got so excited when it was the Scout evening program. Me, I’d rather have had another go round of Capture the Flag. Then there were permanent scouts on staff. That was cool; I like Herzl diversifying its staff base. I still don’t exactly understand what a scout does. Is it bad that I said that? Toss up for me.
5 Saturday Cinnamon Rolls
12 Chugim Follies and Policy Schtick
I loved waking up first thing Saturday morning (what kid needs to sleep in?) and get in line for a roll. I always brought a hat and sweatshirt, so that I could theoretically sneak through the line in disguise to get seconds. But the combination of me being a huge wimp and the #16 seed (see above) kept me honest. I will say that I never mastered the trick of getting the perfect roll. Week after week, I’d opt for the one that looked like it had the most frosting – I always ended up feeling like I got the dry one. Maybe, in retrospect, they were all the dry one. The follies and policy schtick were way more fun as unattached staff then they ever were as a camper. I always liked the “no walking around without shoes” policy skit the most. I imagine that, until the new version of Willy Wonka came out a few years ago, the Oompa Loompa song was lost on the kids born in the late 90s. I like the cinnamon rolls, but am predicting a big upset here.
4 Slow Flag Songs on Final Shabbat
13 Roof Ball
The slow flag songs are great. Who doesn’t relish the chance to self celebrate and go into early mourning days before going home. I remember when groups decided not to do this – like the 97 Ozrim, who rapped to P Diddy (Puff Daddy at the time) rather than sing some sappy Journey song. You guys had to be different, didn’t you. Way to go. I just played roofball in St. Louis this weekend. No joke. Played with my nephews and brother in law, who went to Ramah. He’d never heard of the game. Is it a Herzl original? I never thought so, but it is such a ridiculous sport that it very well may be. The best roofs for roofball have to be 20-22. Though the North Haks can be fun too, due to the low roof. Great game. This is a tough, tough matchup. I give the nod to the flag songs, but man do I love to jump, pump fake right, and throw a four square ball to the left on a decrepit roof.
6 Kadimah Play
11 Ozo Wakeups
The Kadimah Play launched such careers as Bryan Greenberg’s (played Joseph in 1992). Who can forget Lee Touchfarber’s voice cracking as Harvey Johnson in Bye Bye Birdie in the 1993 play? (By the way, I am quite positive that Lee Touchfarber has no idea who I am, and if he were to read this, he would think I’m some weird internet predator). In short, the Kadimah play is, in my opinion, the greatest thing about the Kadimah program (ahead of the wall and canoe trip). The Ozo wakeups are legendary. Tipping kids out of the top bunks. Lots of brooms banging on metal. Insanely loud music. My favorite – no question: Papa Corey Friedman had an alarm clock in 1995 that he used to wake the Ozo boys. It was a two cacti, who kept saying “Hey, Hey. Don’t wake up. Sleep. Manana. Manana.” All the while “La Cucaracha” plays in the background. Was by far the most annoying clock in the history of the world. You’ve got to check it out. I might just buy it. http://www.salemclock.com/item/The-Cactus-Kids-Musical-Alarm-Clock-367
I like Corey’s alarm clock. But I love the Kadimah play.
3 Hot Cereal
14 Toran Wheels
This is a classic matchup. Has all the makings of a closer-than-it-should-be 3 vs 14. Hot cereal tastes good. Hot cereal is a nice change of pace from the norm. Hot cereal feels hearty. But that’s not why hot cereal is on the list. Somewhere along the way, people started dancing and rapping about hot cereal. How come? Why don’t we sing about lasagna? This is one of the world’s great mysteries. Regardless, there is no breakfast more fun than the hot cereal. Toran wheels are the closest thing that you get to having responsibility. I love some of the assignments, like taking out the trash. Do any of you remember the year we decided that by calling them “Toran Wheels”, we were over emphasizing the negatives of being Toran, thus making kids miserable? We made a strong push to rename the Toran Wheels “N’kayon Rotational Charts,” in an effort to disguise the negativity of being Toran. Somehow I don’t think it stuck. My Prediction: Hot Cereal, Hot Cereal, Hot Cereal. Break it down now. H-O-T Cereal. (Jesse Simon, start beat boxing now…)
7 I’m Going to That One
10 Shower Parties
“I’m going to that one” isn’t just a phrase. It’s an ideology. It says, “Yes. Even if I don’t listen to you as you explain your Shabbat Sicha, I’m still going to support you and commit to your group…until the next group presents.” Again, this is one where I don’t know where it originated. In my mind’s eye, I picture Marc Warren thinking of something really witty and bellowing out, but would love to know who thought of it. In the modern era, there is only one sicha that is done, so no matter what, you are, in fact, going to that one.
Shower parties. They’re fun. They’re different. They’re the only way you can get that smelly I-shower-only-once-a-session camper to clean him or herself. With the addition of stalls in the North Haks, even on the boys’ side, I don’t know what the status of shower parties is. In their heyday, they were a great opportunity to Israeli dance, listen to music, and see how your puberty progress was stacking up. Danny: That sounds like a classic tournament matchup: “I’m going to that one!”
2 Songs at Friday Lunch
15 Pooping at South Haks
The Friday picnic lunch is the opportunity to sing your song. Way back when, the only songs that were sung were the Ozo songs, Kadimah songs (as well as N’divim/B’yachad/Maba/Herzl songs, which didn’t change). So you really got a chance to learn the songs, and even got to know the songs from years past, even if you weren’t there. Now there are so many groups that it has to be impossible to learn the words to all the songs. But it still is a great opportunity to reunite with your old group, even if it is just for 3 minutes. I love everything about pooping in the south haks. They’re underutilized (read: clean). The maintenance staff always used to leave the disinfectant spray in the haks (kills 99.9% of bacteria – very reassuring). There are no stalls, so in an ideal world, while you’re taking care of your business, an unsuspecting young camper will walk in, see you, and walk out. It never gets old. My guess is with the new Chadar being so far west and the East Haks (you know what I’m talking about) being so close by, the South Haks are used even less now. I sincerely hope that they are not affected by the new capital campaign. I have to give the nod to the 15 seed taking out #2.
There you have it. Next month, we handle the entire round of 32. That’s when it will get interesting. Until then, happy commenting…
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Alumni Camp Flag Song
August 28, 2009 by Herzl Camp Admin, under Letters from Alumni.
By Danny Soshnik
To the tune of “We Didn’t Start the Fire” by Billy Joel
Harry & Rose Rosenthal, they’re the ones to start it all,
Herzl camp at White Bear Lake, livin’ Theo’s dream.
Then the move to Devil’s Lake, cabins covered in orange paint,
60 years of history, about which we’ll sing.
Dylan Bob, Maba, Bikkurim, Bruce Golob,
Roof Ball, The new Beit Chai, Rosemary will never die.
Chartreuse Buzzards, Kuntzing, Schwartzy stacked his World League Team,
Bryan Greenberg, Golda Meir, Peanut butter on Eskimo Pies
CHORUS:
Living the dream with Theo,
We are always yearning, hoping we’re returning.
Living the dream with Theo,
It’s been such a pleasure, memories we treasure.
Kadimahniks, N’divim, Bogrim and K’shishim
Brandon’s kitchen, Swimmers itching, turning back the clocks.
Schmutz Busters, Chanut, Puddle Jumping, Forkman
Drive In, Bakfar, Pooping in South Haks.
Mercaz, Ner Howie, Deavers passing LGT,
Butt Olympics, Airport Van, Klugman’s Forty, Caravan
Bakfar, Anouncements, Drama Games, Buddy Checks,
12 Gates, Ozo Plays, Heavy dew it never rains.
CHORUS:
Living the dream with Theo,
We are always yearning, hoping we’re returning.
Living the dream with Theo,
It’s been such a pleasure, memories we treasure.
Swim the Lake, Rick Recht, Shower buckets, Teva Trek
Anne Hope, Starry nights, Don’t forget your Shabbos Whites
Hack n Sack, Kundra, Who took down the tetherball?
Avodah, Shabbas Queen, Speed letters we always read
Chugim Follies, Flip Frisch, Intersession, Ultimate
Bikkurim, Staff Mo, CSRs are no-nos
Ga Ga, Ha’Atid, Overnights, and T’Filim
Barry Golob, Ozo Zoe, Steve Mintz plays the bongo.
CHORUS:
Living the dream with Theo,
We are always yearning, hoping we’re returning
Living the dream with Theo,
It’s been such a pleasure, memories we treasure.
Rate a Room, Tzrif Time, Tasters in the Beit Tarbut,
Aaron, Gelprin’s, Cheese Song is amazing.
Grilled cheese and tomato soup, Courtesy flush when you poop,
Shabbat, Sichot, I’m going to that one.
Schmear Snacks, Buddy Tags, Torans use the dirty rags,
Visitor’s Day, Oy Vey, Ozos still do not get paid.
CHORUS:
Living the dream with Theo,
We are always yearning, hoping we’re returning
Living the dream with Theo,
It’s been such a pleasure, memories we treasure.
Alumni Camp, Herzl camp, good to be back again,
Been too long, We’re 50 strong, Reliving, Theo’s Dream
Old friends, new friends, dressed in white, reminiscing funny times
Walking through the Caravan, Singing laughing hand in hand.
Shabbat Shalom, Herzl Style, Matzo Balls, Candle light
Singing songs, B’yachad, swaying, Yad B’Yad
Lots of good times are in store, Only two days, wished for more
Us and Theo, what a team, If you will it it is no dream.
CHORUS:
Living the dream with Theo,
But when we are gone, Theo’s dream lives on, and on, and on, and on…