My Favorite Story as a Camper (Part II)
December 16, 2010 by Herzl Camp Admin, under Letters from Alumni.
By Danny Soshnik
…continued from part 1.
We all made it back in, but we needed to be quiet so as not to tip off to Brick that we were anything but asleep. This proved to be very difficult – we all had stories to share of close calls with other schmears. But we stayed disciplined.
A couple minutes passed, and we thought we were golden. And then, the light turned on in the screened in porch. We could hear the footsteps, and none of us dared move.
In walks Brick. My heart drops as he says, in a mock singing fashion, “Oh Danny Boy.” I fake sleep as he walks over to my bunk. “Why don’t you come with me.” I fake stumble as a recently woken boy out to the Schmear site where Brick, obviously angry and visibly wet (success – we did it!), sits down next to me.
“I was just schmearing, minding my own business. When suddenly I was hit by a water balloon.”
I’m not much of an actor (my partner in crime Bryan, now that’s a different story). And I wasn’t the type of kid who was often in and liked being in trouble. However, on this night, where everything was executed so pefectly, I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel.
I said to Brick, with the straightest emotionless face possible, “I’m sorry to hear that.”
I don’t think he bought it. Busted…or so I thought.
As Brick was about to lay into me, taking me for every minute of Chofesh left in the session, the cry of an angel saved me. Actually it was less of a cry and more of a moan. And it wasn’t an angel – it was Ricky Ofstein. Back spasms. Bad ones. His pain, my gain.
Apparently earlier in the day Brick had given Ricky a bear hug, and threw out Ricky’s back. Funny, because if I were to lift Ricky, I’m sure it would throw out my back.
Anyway, he couldn’t have picked a better time to get spasms. He was in real pain. For anyone who knows Ricky, nothing he does is without dramatic effect. He was, from my perspective, a rockstar that night. And Brick, had to act upon it.
Long story short (too late), Ricky got in the van and went to the hospital. But not before, to add insult to injury, while sitting up in his bed, a super soaker fell from the rafters onto his head.
Just like that, the focus on my personal punishment was long over.
The next day I spoke to my friends across Kadimahland in Trzif Vav, and wondered how Brick knew it was us (me, specifically). Apparently, the water baloon that hit Brick came from the direction of Tzrif Vav. Brick, in his infinite wisdom, went in looking for the most likely culprit. Running into Vav, he screamed, “(Dan) Shapiro, G-D D#^!%IT!”. Dan, being the sellout he is, pleaded “It wasn’t me, it was Soshnik!” Thanks Dan.
As it turns out, we weren’t quite as cleared as we thought we were. We were told at breakfast that right before Nikayon, we had to go to Mary Lou’s office – all of us. I had never been to the director’s office, but safety in numbers, right?
She was none to thrilled. Told us about respect. Being dugmahot for the younger campers. All that stuff. Then, at a quiet, tense moment, Billy Rosenberg farted. Everyone heard it. Everyone, that is, except Mary Lou. Shefren couldn’t contain his laughter. Mary Lou was none too thrilled. She famously quoted, “You’ll never be Deavers!”
Of course, the Deaver program was based on lottery, not on merrit (thank goodness).
In the end, I think we lost chofesh for a night or two. But gained a memory for a lifetime. Oh, and of the 12 of us in tzrif Zayin, 6 went on to be Deavers. And of those 6, all were Ozrim two years later.
What’s the morale of the story? 1) If you’re going to break a rule, it’s best to do so with a moviestar. 2) Your best friends often end up being the ones who live across the way and will sell you out at a moment’s notice. 3) Stay close with those around you and they will bail you out with well-timed pain or flatulence in a desperate time of need.
Shabbat Shalom!
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Everything I’ve learned about life, I learned at Herzl Camp (A Parenthetical List)
February 18, 2010 by Herzl Camp Admin, under What I Learned from Camp.
By Max and Zach Puchtel
Part 3 – Bikkurim
So there we were, Max and I, sound asleep in Tzrif 20. (47. Never be toooo asleep at camp) I am awakened by distant noise, I raise my head. BOOM!! (48. YOU THINK YOU’RE BAD) The front door of the cabin is knocked off its hinges by the front end of a freak 2-wheel creature screaming in a Judge Dredd voice, “I am the law!” (49. Dan Shapiro is the law) Actually, he had a megaphone and was chanting B-I-K-K-U-R-I-M BIKKURIM, B-I-K-K-U-R-I-M BIKKURIM!! (50. It can come at any hour of the day, just not this year due to scheduling conflicts).
We drag our half-dressed (51. No one wears clothes at camp, we schlep.) freezing bodies to the fire pit, where a blazing bonfire welcomes us. (52. Blazing bonfires are always appropriate) Max and I amazingly get placed on the same team, while all the Greene’s get placed on the same team, all the Freeman’s get placed on the same team, all the Usem’s get placed on the same team, and Mike Neiman is somehow still in charge. (53. Dare I say, Neiman RULES!!)
The next morning brings fresh eyes, throats and RUACH decked out in unicolor garb. As veterans to the Bikkurim circuit, Max and I know the importance of a fast start. (54. I am much faster than Max in any race, ranging any distance from 1 yard to 1 mile.) Immediately upon formation of the great BLUE TEAM, (55. The curse is not real, but rather more like the sword and the stone legend (Speaking of legends, Chuck Lyons, what a hero) wherein only the chosen one may remove the sword). we separate the weak from the pack. They will be assigned to cheer-generating and picture-drawing. The rest have been chosen as Blue Warriors. They are keepers of the great blue chair, and the song “I’m blue da boo dee da boo dah, dah boo dee daa boo dah.” (56. The one-word-in-the-most-songs game is the greatest rainy day game ever).
As we complete our plans for Bikkurim domination, we think about what the judges will be looking for most closely during the day’s performance. (57. Judges have a strict code they observe, passed down through generations of former Bikkurim contests) We decide sports to be our focal point-with Max and I (58. Grammar lesson, Max and me) at the helm, how can we lose? Turns out we can’t: skying over helpless campers, we take no mercy as frisbee, then basketball, softball, tennis, roofball, raftball, tetherball and then finally Gaga all become notches on our belt as we sweep the athletic contests. (59. This actually happened, no real lesson here other than PUCHTEL RULES!!)
Silent lunch puts a damper on things when we’re told that a member of our squad continues to make noise after repeatedly being told to do otherwise. As we’re led to the perpetrator, a crowd has gathered to witness what at first appears to be a feeding frenzy for one. Growls and snarls surround the creature, but he halts mid-swallow as we approach. Staring at us with huge trembling hungry eyes, (60. Aaron Gelperin has huge trembling hungry eyes) we ask Aaron if he’ll please calm down so we don’t lose points. He obliges. (61. Aaron Gelperin can be reasoned with, but only if promised a shot at the champ in the Kadimah arm wrestling contest (62. Big man, Aaron. I was 14!)
Outside to the fields where the relay has ended, and the teams regroup for what sets men apart from boys: TUG-O-WAR. (63. Although, in all truth, it’s usually the women that determine which team is going to win. (64. Unless, of course, Max and…you get it, we’re big) Max rips some duct tape off his chest, we all wonder why it was there in the first place, then we tug!
It’s all a blur as we come to the final ruach session in the Ulam. There’s a funny smell as you enter (64. Ben Jurisz and Joel Bard were still sleeping in the apartments) but that can’t faze us now. We are set on victory, and after a days worth of athletic triumphs, the blue curse seems really distant. How distant was it you ask? About as distant as Elin Woods the past 2 months I’d say. Really far off anyway…the ruach commences! Songs, cheers, flags, drum banging, and screaming with what little voices we have left!! Finally, the judgment is upon us. Whose effort will pay off in camp pride for the next 2 hours before bedtime??
We await the results, and aren’t surprised when, what?!! The Freemans won??!! Are you kidding me? No, seriously?? But they literally just took Edina cheers and put in the word red!! (65. Not to mention that they brought their own costumes to camp for the sole use in their Bikkurim dance routine) It’s ok Zach, this just wasn’t your year buddy, don’t worry about it, be a good loser, oh wait…don’t…no, stop…really? (66. I cry when I lose Bikkurim) As the judges come to console me because I won’t go back to my cabin, they explain to me that Bikkurim is about team spirit, unity and really good cheer generating and picture drawing.
Well, those are the lessons learned from Bikkurim, kids. We’re up to 66 and …
To be continued…
67. I learned something from that … you don’t have to be an ogre in order to succeed in Bikkurim, you just have to be a Freeman)
