By Max and Zach Puchtel

Part 6 – In the Old Chadar (1 of 2)

So there we were, Zach and I, about to enter the old chadar during a common Herzl rite of passage: Shabbat afternoon lunch!

We entered, beaming from a fresh victory in Ozo Park where the Ultimate had resembled something more like Calvinball (100. We didn’t know all of the rules back then).  The tables were set into four long white rows, and campers and staff were beginning to enter in a mad frenzy to take seats.  We had foolishly entered on the North side of the chadar, near the boating side stairs. (101. Doh! 102. Beehives get excited around shabbas) Zach and I always sat near the kitchen on Shabbat afternoon lunch in order to participate in the EVENT, and we had to make it there before the seats were filled. (103. Reasons for sitting next to the kitchen, and the EVENT, shall be explained next time). Now stood an important question: which aisle should we attempt to run down in order to make it there in time?

I asked Zach about aisle #1, to which we looked and he responded, “That won’t do, because we’ll get caught behind that group of female Deevers oodling over a pre-pubescent Charley Rivkin and Reuben Rischall.” (104. They were better pre-testosterone) “Ok, what about aisle #2?”  “That won’t work either, Max.  Alex Locke, Debra Fiterman, and Natalie Fursetzer have assembled a group of campers to continue working on a flag song that will be sung three weeks from now.”  We both looked down aisle #3 and realized immediately that there was some sort of emergency that would block our path.

This was proving to be difficult.

“Max, I think there is a clear path down aisle #4!”  “Don’t be fooled, Zach.  Aaron Gelperin is standing there, scouting the aisle for small, weak campers which have been separated from the herd.”  And aisle #5 was also impossible, as David Bender, years before the discovery of his enormous tongue, was practicing his “quaking”, which sent waves of vibration emanating in all directions, causing people to flee before him.  (105. DO IT!)

“Zach, we’re doomed!  The seats are filling near the kitchen!  We’ll never make it in time!”  Zach entered into a state of deep contemplation.  With his eyes closed, head tilled down, and fists clenched, he had to solve the riddle.  (106. The stakes are always high at Herzl).  Emerging from his state of enlightenment, he exclaimed, “I’VE GOT IT, FOLLOW ME!”  Back out the door we ran around the outside of the chadar!  In what seemed like 3 seconds later, we were sitting at a table adjacent to the kitchen, ready for what lay in store for us.

With us at the table were the masters of the EVENT, Marc Warren, Jesse Simon, David Jurisz, Joey Jaffe, and any other large Herzl people of the 90’s that you can think of.  The EVENT was about to begin. There were a lot of big people at our table, but also a lot of necessary little people at the table.  For some reason we had stolen 4 extra trays from neighboring tables, and the little people were tightening their shoelaces.  This was going to be an EVENT to remember.

To be continued……

(107. If you think you know the identity of the EVENT based on the clues, submit your guess in a comment to this blog post!)